Friday, September 5, 2008


One of my principles in life is "Never regret anything for in one point it was exactly what i wanted".

I try to live by this principle but i couldn't help regretting 20% of what happened to me in my past life.

I have done series of decisions in the past that changed my life and changed how other people view me as a person.
Series of decisions that can never be erased from history, instilled in other people's mind and will continue to be.

Thinking quietly and reminiscing the past would bring back old memories that i tried to lock completely in my old closet of bad memories.

People, which includes me, tried to say a million times that we learn from our mistakes and we become stronger each day most especially passing through troubled moments.

Indeed, what we say is true. Yes, I have become stronger than what I was but I cannot hide it from everyone who I was before, I cannot erase it from Victoria's book of history. I cannot simply undo it or go back to my last saved point and just start all over again. For living 21 years of life, I still have another 21 years or more in living my life and carrying those history pages with me.

Sometimes I wish that I could be granted a new life and start from zero. But am I willing to erase 80% of my good life just to erase the regrettable 20%?

NO. For how many years that I have lived my life, I am willing to continue and fight in this battle called "living". Eventually, I will cover up the awful things I have done in the past.

It can't be helped if other people cannot forget who I was and spread my flaws to their friends.

But what is important is that I see myself as a changed person.

05 September 2008
10.00 pm

kikai thought hard on 10:13 PM.